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Gather all the information you can about domestic violence.
Contact Women's Aid and services in your area that assist abused
women and their children. Women's Aid Refuges not only offer
women safety, but also provide advice, support and other needed
services for abused women. Woman's Aid can give you information
about the issue of domestic violence and referrals to support
services.
Sometimes your own feelings about the violence may make it difficult
for you to confront the situation. Contact your local Women's
Aid for help and talk to staff about your concerns. Women's
Aid can be an excellent source of support for both you and your
friend.
Letting your friend know that you care and are willing to listen
may be the best help you can offer. Don't force the issue, but
allow her to confide in you at her own pace. Keep your mind
open and really listen to what she tells you. Never blame your
friend for what's happening or underestimate her fear of potential
danger.
Remember that your friend must make her own decisions about
her life. Focus on supporting your friend's right to make her
own choices.
At some point, you may find it difficult to be supportive of
your friend if she remains in the violent relationship or returns
to the abuser. Tell her that not everyone lives with abuse.
Be willing to confront her with the physical and emotional harm
that she and the children will suffer if she stays. Help your
friend face up to the dangerous reality of living with an abusive
partner. Remind her that even a push or a shove can result in
serious injury.
When your friend asks for advice on what she should do, share
the information you've gathered with her privately. Let your
friend know she is not alone and that caring people are available
to help her. Encourage her to seek the assistance of Women's
Aid or the domestic violence Helpline. Assure your friend that
any information she shares with them will be kept strictly confidential.
Many abused women first seek the advice of marriage counselors,
psychiatrists, or members of the clergy. Not all helping professionals,
however, are fully aware of the special circumstances of abused
women. If the first person your friend contacts is not helpful,
she should be encouraged to find assistance elsewhere.
Encourage your friend to develop a plan to protect herself and
her children. Help her think through the steps she should take
if her partner become abusive again. Make a list of people your
friend can call in an emergency.
Suggest that she put together and hide a bag of clothing, personal
items, money, social security books, bank cards, the children'
s birth certificates and other important documents.
Abused women live with emotional as well as physical abuse.
Your friend is probably continually told by the abuser that
she is a bad person, a bad wife, and a bad mother. Without positive
reinforcement from outside the home, she may beg into believe
she can't do anything right -that there really is something
wrong with her.
Give your friend the emotional support she needs to believe
that she is a good person. Help her examine her strengths and
skills. Emphasize that she deserves a life that is free from
violence.
The first place your friend should call is the local Women's
Aid Group or Helpline. Staff at the Women's Aid Refuge can help
your friend examine the options. If she decides to leave, the
refuge may be the safest place she can go. Women's Aid refuges
provides emergency accommodation and support to women who need
to leave an abusive home. The refuge, which is accessible 24
hours a day, is located at a confidential address. Women and
their children who have been abused or threatened with abuse
may stay for as long as necessary. Staff work one-to-one with
each resident to discuss options and to provide support in dealing
with financial, employment, housing, legal and emotional problems.
Self-help also operates within the group of women who reside
at the refuge.
Be very careful when offering and providing safety in your home.
The abused woman frequently faces the most physical danger when
she attempts to leave. Be very discreet and talk to Women's
Aid staff about the best way to handle this.
Tell your friend you're there for her when she needs
you. Provide whatever you can: transportation; child care; financial
assistance. |
